Home too long, Thanks Covid!

 It is nine AM. I sit at my computer, thinking about what I  should write. In the background, I can hear an advertisement for a charity called Tunnels to Towers.  This commercial is followed by the news. I listen to reporters as they report on the politics of the day. 
I am saddened by the condition of the world today. I realize that I am old, and I am rapidly heading to my final days. But before I go, I pray that I will see the world and its people return to values such as respect for each other, kindness for those who are less fortunate, generosity towards others, and respect for different cultures, customs, and races. I dream of a world where we see the beauty in others regardless of their skin color.  

On the sill outside my window, I spot I see a blue-tailed lizard resting. As I look out again, I can see a red cardinal enjoying sunflower seeds at the birdfeeder. A green hummingbird flies from feeder to flower lapping up nectar. Purple finches watch from the trees. I am witness to the beauty in the diversity in nature. I can not help to wonder why people have difficulty seeing this same beauty in the diversity of the human race.
I stop writing long enough to listen to a friend being interviewed on a podcast. My friend is talking about the epidemic of loneliness in the world today. He contends that our technology and now the COVID virus has contributed to this epidemic. I can not disagree with him, and as I Sit alone in my office, I feel pervasive loneliness invading my space. I turn back to my computer.  By this time, I am feeling completely frustrated with the words that I have written. I press on. I was determined that I would write a well-crafted post. 
My original thought was that I would write about Tunnels to Towers and how the organization helps first responders with disabilities received in the line of duty. The organization supplies adaptive equipment and even smart homes for some if needed. The help provided makes the delicate adjustment of to a life of disability easier. I understand these difficulties well because of my own personal struggles with disabilities over the past eleven years. I find that today I can not write about this. The subject hits close to home. So I move on.
My next idea for a post was About the time Tom, my husband, was sent out to pick up beverages for break time at work. Again this feels like another story for another day.  Now it is almost 5 PM. I have typed on this computer all day and have not written anything that makes sense. I suppose that is because the world doesn't make sense to me right now. 
I see a card on my desk. It reads, "Ask, and it shall be given to you. Seek, and ye shall find, Knock and it shall be opened unto you."(Matthew 7:7 On the back, the card read, "Just for you"  It is time to cook dinner, but before I do I pause and pray. Thanks, card for the reminder. No matter how bad things might appear God is in control. 

Never , Never Give Up Persistance Pays Off

I will be candid with you. Life as a disabled person is hard on a good day. On a bad day, life feels way past impossible. There have been days that I have almost fallen off of my toilet. Some of you may not think this is not such a big deal, but let me remind you that my commode is what they call a comfort model. This means it is about three inches higher than a standard toilet. Three inches doesn't seem like much, but when you are heading towards the floor at a speed that rivals the velocity of a pole vaulter who has just cleared the eighteen-foot height and is headed back to earth, those three inches matter.

 In the past eleven years, I have fallen three times. The first time I fell, I broke my nose. I fell from my side steps onto a brick patio. I had just learned to navigate the steps using my cane. I needed more practice because I missed the step, and down I landed right on my nose. The second time I fell, I added laundry into the washer and fell when I leaned over to pick items out of the hamper. With that fall, I broke my arm in three places. In my third fall, I landed butt first in a mud puddle in front of a church full of people. Fortunately, with that fall, only my pride was injured. As I was falling each time, I remembered my son's advice.

He said."mom, when you think you are going to fall, just tuck and roll." Well, I tried that, but I discovered that it is just not as easy as it seems to "tuck and roll." Every time I fell, I wondered what part of "tuck and roll" I had gotten wrong, the tuck or the roll? It has been tough to get up and overcome my fears after those falls.  It has taken a lot of hard work to rebuild my confidence, get back on my feet, and start again.  Each time I did, It felt great!  I could even complete one and a half miles of a JDRF fundraiser. I finished the route, but it was long after the rest of the participants had gone home.  I imagined they were at home and eating dinner when I finally finished. But the point is that even though things get complicated, we can still persevere. Because of perseverance and help from some friends, I completed the fundraiser, and a donation was made to the JDRF organization. Who knows how many good things that gift is doing.

I have ridden horses and ridden a motorcycle with my husband. I  led a pretty full life, despite my disabilities.

As I have gotten older, it has become more challenging to walk with my cane, and I will often use my wheelchair instead.  But then again, who wants another broken nose? The point is just because things get complicated, we should still persevere. 

You might have to fall off a step or even fall off of a comfort height toilet a few times. In the end, the reward earned by persistence will be worth the bumps and bruises. Winston Churchhill said to his British troops during the war, "Never, never, never give up." Perseverance has its rewards. It could pay to keep trying.

Summer mornings in June

My husband and I stood side-by-side on our deck enjoying the peacefulness of a summer morning. After a  few quiet minutes, I remarked to my husband, "it is peaceful listening to the birds.” 

Our yard is surrounded by many trees and because of that, we have a large amount of wildlife that visits our yard regularly. We have seen wild turkeys, deer, woodchucks, hawks, foxes, and coyote. and an assortment of songbirds birds. Oh, and don’t forget the many squirrels that come to eat the birdseed that I leave out for the birds. (grrr) On this morning the songbirds were singing their choruses in a multitude of joyous voices.

My husband responded saying, “ it is nice to have some peace amid all the chaos that's going on in the world right now.”  His comment caused me to stop and think. He was right!

There is an extraordinary amount of chaos in the world today. There are political arguments that have been erupting on the different news media.  The COVID pandemic has stirred heated discussions, over questions about the possible transmission of the virus. We debate with our friends, coworkers, and others. Should I wear a mask, or is it ok not to wear a mask? How far away is enough social distance? Should the governor open the state or not?  In addition, there are questions of racism, should statues that have stood for a century be removed or even destroyed? To many the are symbols of racism but to others, the statues represent timeless works of art to others, and yes too many the statues are symbols of a terrible time in history.

Will Uncle Ben, aunt Jamima, and Gone with the wind, blown away and forgotten? Will they be archived in a dusty vault never to be seen again?

last night I read about a realtor in another state that is choosing to no longer use the term “master bedroom” This is because the word is related to the slave industry.   As a realtor for many years, I wonder then what will the room where the adults of the home sleep? 

Life feels troublesome, confusing, and downright heartbreaking to many people, We are all struggling with these same issues. Are marchers in the streets peaceful protests, or rioters?  Who matters more? Do Black Lives Matter, Blue Lives Matter, All lives matter.are not we all created equal in the eyes of God? What if we were to follow God's teachings as the rule of law? I believe Many things could change.

Each question is a new fence that is being erected between people. Friends become enemies as we are being asked to declare what side of the fence we will live on.

With all of this happening it is understandable that anxiety and stress in people are increasing. depression is up and suicide rates are rising spousal abuse is on the rise.  People are becoming more argumentative, judgemental, opinionated, and angry towards each other.

As I sat lingering this morning with my now very cold cup of coffee unfinished in my hand. I asked myself, what are the lessons was I taught? How can I use my faith as I look for answers?

Lesson one,

Do not be a clanging cymbal! Always speak the truth with love.

 Is that the clanging of cymbals that I hear? if I speak in the tongues of men and of angels but have not love, I am only a ringing gong or a clanging cymbal. 1 Corinthians 13:1 NIV

The controversies are causing us, yes even Jesus loving God-loving Christians to lose ourselves amid the clatter and noise.  We are drowning in the loud voices all claiming that they are speaking the truth. I am not claiming I have the answers.  I might find out that I am wrong about everything except this one thing. God will guide me with his word, his son Jesus and if I am willing to listen to His Holy Spirit.

Lesson two,

God is the source of our peace.

The world did not give me the peace of this morning. Only God in his wondrous creation could orchestrate the combination of sound, sunlight, and a summer morning breeze that would calm a heart that was anxious and concerned with the state of the world in which we. The trees and all the birds that live in them were. given to us by God our creator. God gives us these things so that we may experience the beauty of His world.

Lesson three,  remember

God is in control!

 Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27 NIV 

Lesson four

I should keep my thoughts, mind, and heart pointed in the right direction.

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable— if anything is excellent or praiseworthy— think on these things. Philippians 4:8 NIV translation

Yes, I had to look each verse up to recall exactly what they were. But that is not the point of why I am telling you this. 

Be Blessed my friends. With God, all things are possible.

Take all things to God in prayer!

Two years and counting

This story is about what I and others did wrong. on the night, my life changed forever.

It has been twelve years since I had a stroke. As I sit here and reflect back, I will never forget the night of the stroke. I clearly remember being in the hospital emergency room and waiting for hours. Every time, the triage nurse would come into the waiting room and call out a name. For hours I watched as people with colds, sore throats, and various other minor ailments were called in to be seen by the doctors. My blood pressure was over 200, but I sat for  4 hours silently waiting for a doctor to examine me. My second mistake. Don't be afraid to ask for what you need.

In my gut, I knew that something was very wrong. My vision was messed up. Part of my vision was missing. The pain in my head felt like my skull was going to crack.  Looking back, I now know that I should have trusted my gut. I wish I had kept communicating with the staff and been more insistent about being seen. That day my life changed forever. As a result, I am now permanently blind in areas of my field of vision. I had no awareness of my left side, and my left side switched from being hyper-sensitive to almost no feeling. My left side is partially paralyzed.  My left leg has drop foot and over-pronation. In other words, I am screwed up!

This story is about what I and others did wrong. on the night, my life changed forever.

I had called my doctor, who told me to go straight to the ER.  I went right away. But unfortunately, I asked my husband to drive me there. I thought that it was not very far from my home. We could get to the hospital quickly. Because I had worked in the ER as a Chaplin and a patient rep. I should have known that it can be a long wait if you don't arrive by ambulance. I did not expect special treatment, but I was hoping I would be seen immediately. I worked at this hospital as a Chaplin and patient rep, but apparently, I got no special treatment. So we waited, my head pounding and my husband complaining to me that he was tired. He knew he had to go to work the next day at 6 AM. It was now one in the morning.  Because of my position at the hospital, I sat quietly and didn't make any waves.  Although I was learning why the many people I saw as a Chaplin were miserable.  Not only were those patients sick and worried. But they must have felt overlooked by the hospital staff. I know that was how I was feeling that night. Silent, scared, confused, and unaware that my brain was slowly dying. 

.And going through rehabilitation. But what I remember the most was my determination to get better. I spent 60 days away from home between my hospital stay and time at the rehabilitation center. I wondered if I might never see my home again. But mother's day weekend, I was released For the day. As  I returned home and walked into my house, I noticed that my Christmas tree was still up in the living room. What a wonderful greeting it gave me. I could not have asked for a more joyous homecoming. My husband was there, and my Little dog and my Christmas tree somehow reminded me that the spirit of God was with me.

The following days were hard. Becoming adjusted to my new routine. I needed to transition from having everything done for me at the hospital to function on my own. My husband would have to work every day to pay the bills. We had our concerns, would I be able to dress? Would I be able to shower myself? Would I be able to feed myself? What would I  do alone all day? It was the beginning of my new adventure. And I had no idea how it would work out. In those early days, having just finished working with the physical therapists, I was full of confidence. But then the crash happened. I was attempting to, or should I say, show off by trying to go up the back steps without a Railing when I lost my footing and fell. I landed face down on the patio and ended up with a broken nose. With that fractured nose, my confidence shattered.

I was hesitant to even attempt to do anything on my own. Yet somehow, three months later, I began working on my doctorate in Pastoral counseling. I remember clearly the first day in class. I asked that I be provided with a wheelchair. I was still terrified of being alone in a strange place. I was afraid that I would fall and get hurt and worried that  I did not have the strength to walk on my two legs all day. I wanted the safety and the security of being in a wheelchair. I knew I could not fall sitting in my wheelchair. So that first day in class, I used one of the hospital's wheelchairs. That was a long time ago. It is now a little over two years later. I Continue to go to that same building several times a week. But after that first day never sat in a wheelchair again. I made a choice to walk, and I have been walking ever since.
     Now each day, I walk around my house, in the store, and I receive my clients at the Pastoral care offices and Lead them back from the waiting room to the counseling office.
 I can remember a song Whose words go something like this," The road is long with many a winding turn that Leads  me to who knows where?" That's how I felt. I was on this long road winding around and around, and I was not sure where I would end up. I just knew I had to keep traveling because I was not where I felt I should be. I did not know where I was going or how to get there; I just knew I needed to go forward. My damaged brain and my body needed to begin the process of healing. And with God's help, my incredible journey begins. I'd like to hear about your fantastic journey post Your comments on this page. How have you been guided on your fantastic journey? What has your journey been like?

Rising up from the ashes

The stroke occurred   in march Of 2009.It was just a few weeks before Easter But,  Come Easter morning I was still In the rehabilitation wing of the Hospital . My oldest son had come by a few days before to visit Me.  he had brought with him a Big balloon which he tried to My hospital Bed .When I woke up on that  Easter morning I lay in the bed watching the balloon float above me And I heard  these words in my head ."This is the morning of your resurrection "I thought oh great! , God's Trying to make me crazy agin!He knows darn well That this is Not my resurrection that we're Recognizing  this morning . But  I  kept Hearing those words . OK, I thought maybe I was suppose think About these wordsSo I lay there and began to think. .Instead of those words  I thought about My Life and how much I  I had lost in a matter of hours.I could no longer walk, see,  use my left arm or hand. I was questioning my ability to be a wife. It felt like I had 'crashed and burned"  It felt like all my Hopes, Dreams , Accomplishments Everything that I had worked for were in flames and were rapidly turning into a pile of ashes. I felt lost and broken I felt like I was rapidly disappearing. My body slowly Dying and my Will And strength withering. If ever in my life I needed God's Strength it was Now . I needed God To nourish my soul and restore my strength. Suddenly those words sounded to me like God was saying  to me" Get up, You can do it and I will help you. I am here with you, I am rooting for you I will give you strength."  I decided that I would try to listen to god's voice one more time.After all I knew that God was the one who could save me. 

.