Tuesday, October 3, 2023

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I believe that one of the things that helped me in my recovery was having a goal. I was still in the hospital not even 48 hours after the stroke, and I was asking my husband no telling my husband that I wanted to do two things. the first one of them being that I wanted to find a therapeutic horseback riding center. The other and most important thing that I wanted to make sure I could do was continue on with my dream of studying to be a psychotherapist.my husband thought that I was crazy.Tom had been was trying to comprehend the situation. He was just trying to figure out if I could go home and care for myself without a nurse's aide.

He wondered if I would be able to dress myself, feed myself and be able to be left alone while he was at work. And here I was talking about riding a horse. But I needed to have a goal something to work towards, something to hang onto that would make me feel That my life mattered.The world mattered. Something to make me feel like there was going to be more to my life in just lying around doing nothing. I had been a care manager and I had seen many clients who had strokes. I thought I had been compassionate and caring and I thought I had understood their predicament but I wasn't even to understanding. The sense of loss that I felt was so overwhelming. I was sure that someone had died only I had forgotten to stop breathing. I needed to have something that made me feel like I did not die. So much of myself was lost from the stroke. I needed to hang on to at least one little piece of who I was.it was my love of horses and my determination to get my doctorate that kept me going in those first days. So I held onto my dreams Like my life depended them. I had other dreams but I did not dare voice them. I still wasn't ready to hope. You see I was still wrestling With god over that abundant life conversation. As I look back And think I was testing God. If he was going to promise me an abundant life I I wanted him to provide me with that kind of abundance that I Wanted

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