Persistence

"Our praying needs to be pressed and pursued with an energy that never tires, a persistency which will not be denied, and a courage that never fails." (EM Bounds" The Power through Prayer")

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I believe that one of the things that helped me in my recovery was having a goal. I was still in the hospital not even 48 hours after the stroke, and I was asking my husband no telling my husband that I wanted to do two things. the first one of them being that I wanted to find a therapeutic horseback riding center. The other and most important thing that I wanted to make sure I could do was continue on with my dream of studying to be a psychotherapist.my husband thought that I was crazy.Tom had been was trying to comprehend the situation. He was just trying to figure out if I could go home and care for myself without a nurse's aide.

He wondered if I would be able to dress myself, feed myself and be able to be left alone while he was at work. And here I was talking about riding a horse. But I needed to have a goal something to work towards, something to hang onto that would make me feel That my life mattered.The world mattered. Something to make me feel like there was going to be more to my life in just lying around doing nothing. I had been a care manager and I had seen many clients who had strokes. I thought I had been compassionate and caring and I thought I had understood their predicament but I wasn't even to understanding. The sense of loss that I felt was so overwhelming. I was sure that someone had died only I had forgotten to stop breathing. I needed to have something that made me feel like I did not die. So much of myself was lost from the stroke. I needed to hang on to at least one little piece of who I was.it was my love of horses and my determination to get my doctorate that kept me going in those first days. So I held onto my dreams Like my life depended them. I had other dreams but I did not dare voice them. I still wasn't ready to hope. You see I was still wrestling With god over that abundant life conversation. As I look back And think I was testing God. If he was going to promise me an abundant life I I wanted him to provide me with that kind of abundance that I Wanted

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Every day things matter.

Twelve years ago, a friend told me, " I you are going to have to start  approaching  everything in your life like you are doing it for the first time." How true that statement has proven to be!  Since the stroke in March 2009, Everything has been very different.  I have learned to function in a new way. You might say that I am now differently abled. My blouse or sweater must be adorned with bling at the neckline. The bling helps me determine if I am putting on the shirt correctly.  Without the bling, I might be wearing an inside-out and backward blouse in public.  

I have to do things using only one hand.   Daily tasks, such as how I approach brushing my teeth, are a challenge that needs mastering. I learned to brush my teeth. I would have to discover a new way to do it. After all, how do you put toothpaste on a toothbrush with one hand?  My solution was to hold the toothpaste tube by the top, grabbing it firmly between my teeth. Then I grasped the tube of toothpaste with my functional hand and twisted it until the cap came loose. I would then balance the brush on the side of the sink, and if I was lucky, the toothbrush stayed put. I would squeeze on the paste. 
     It has been two years since I suffered a massive stroke on the right side of my brain.  Somehow I survived the stroke, but it left the left side of my body paralyzed. The stroke also took away a large portion of my vision.  Since the stroke, I no longer have had any Peripheral vision to my left.  After almost two years of recovery, I am just beginning to Rediscover and understand that there is a world left of my center. After the stroke, anything out of my sight was out of my mind Or out of my awareness.  Nothing existed to my left.  No doors or walls existed on my left.  No tables or chairs, no pillars or poles.  Nothing.  I began to get it only after I bumped into countless walls, tables, people, and doors.
     The trauma to my brain left me unable to walk or use my left arm.  I couldn't see.  I couldn't think. For the first few months, all that I felt I could do was sleep and cry. Because my left side was affected, everything in my life became more complex.  The simple things that I took for granted have become My daily challenges.  In the beginning, even eating was a challenge. For example, I could not always find my food because I could not see the left side of the Plate!  While in the hospital, I often wondered if the kitchen staff was trying to hide the good-tasting food from me by putting it on the left side of the tray.  During my time in the hospital and rehabilitation, I lost over 40 pounds.  Not because I was on a diet but because it was too difficult to eat!  The dining staff would bring my tray to my room and leave it for me.  I asked myself the question, how do I eat with one hand?  I learned how to open a packet of artificial sweeteners using my teeth.  I would hold the package with my teeth as I tore it open with one good hand.  I learned that inhaling with an opened Splenda packet in your teeth is not good. I could open my cereal box with one hand.  But the milk carton was more than I could cope with using only one hand.  So cereal without milk became what I've lived on.  It was too hard to think about doing anything else.
    Gradually, I began to give up. Depression Was setting in.  My future looked very bleak.  I felt like I was on the edge of a bottomless pit.  I could feel myself beginning to slide into the darkness.  I was afraid that I didn't have the strength to hold on. I felt totally helpless and totally hopeless.
      It was about that time that I began to hear these words in my head! " I have come so that you may have life in abundance." Having an abundant life seemed impossible to me at that time. I looked up at the ceiling in my hospital room and screamed," God are you crazy!  Then I wept.            God had many surprises in store for me.  But first, God knew that I needed to grieve. I grieved my many losses, left my past, and discovered a future. With God at my side, I began this journey.

Home too long, Thanks Covid!

 It is nine AM. I sit at my computer, thinking about what I  should write. In the background, I can hear an advertisement for a charity called Tunnels to Towers.  This commercial is followed by the news. I listen to reporters as they report on the politics of the day. 
I am saddened by the condition of the world today. I realize that I am old, and I am rapidly heading to my final days. But before I go, I pray that I will see the world and its people return to values such as respect for each other, kindness for those who are less fortunate, generosity towards others, and respect for different cultures, customs, and races. I dream of a world where we see the beauty in others regardless of their skin color.  

On the sill outside my window, I spot I see a blue-tailed lizard resting. As I look out again, I can see a red cardinal enjoying sunflower seeds at the birdfeeder. A green hummingbird flies from feeder to flower lapping up nectar. Purple finches watch from the trees. I am witness to the beauty in the diversity in nature. I can not help to wonder why people have difficulty seeing this same beauty in the diversity of the human race.
I stop writing long enough to listen to a friend being interviewed on a podcast. My friend is talking about the epidemic of loneliness in the world today. He contends that our technology and now the COVID virus has contributed to this epidemic. I can not disagree with him, and as I Sit alone in my office, I feel pervasive loneliness invading my space. I turn back to my computer.  By this time, I am feeling completely frustrated with the words that I have written. I press on. I was determined that I would write a well-crafted post. 
My original thought was that I would write about Tunnels to Towers and how the organization helps first responders with disabilities received in the line of duty. The organization supplies adaptive equipment and even smart homes for some if needed. The help provided makes the delicate adjustment of to a life of disability easier. I understand these difficulties well because of my own personal struggles with disabilities over the past eleven years. I find that today I can not write about this. The subject hits close to home. So I move on.
My next idea for a post was About the time Tom, my husband, was sent out to pick up beverages for break time at work. Again this feels like another story for another day.  Now it is almost 5 PM. I have typed on this computer all day and have not written anything that makes sense. I suppose that is because the world doesn't make sense to me right now. 
I see a card on my desk. It reads, "Ask, and it shall be given to you. Seek, and ye shall find, Knock and it shall be opened unto you."(Matthew 7:7 On the back, the card read, "Just for you"  It is time to cook dinner, but before I do I pause and pray. Thanks, card for the reminder. No matter how bad things might appear God is in control. 

Living Sohern Sweet tea hummingbirds and ummer sun

As I sat eating my breakfast on the deck early in the morning, I could feel the warmth of the sun on my shoulders. I knew by the increasing heat on my skin that it was going to be a scorcher of a summer day.  Because I am partially blind, I couldn't see them but I could hear the hum of hummingbird wings as they flew past my head.  The hummingbirds were at work slurping up their breakfast of sweet nectar from the flowers and the mix of sugar water that I kept in their feeders.  

Hummers are fascinating creatures. I read in a paper by Stephanie Bitner, a biologist at Arizona State University School of Life sciences, that hummingbirds lick nectar up from a flower, like a dog lapping at a bowl of water. Bitner goes on to state that a hummingbird's tongue can lick sixteen times per second, and they will consume one half of their body weight in sugar each day and that they eat an average once every ten minutes."Hummingbirds Foraging May 2014." Hummingbirds love the sweet sugar found in nectar and sugar water. Did you ever suck the nectar out of a honeysuckle flower? As a child, I found its sweetness delicious.

Sugar water and nectar bring to mind sweet tea in the South. My North Carolina neighbors have a unique blend of iced tea that they call sweet tea. This is not just iced tea with sugar in it like I drank growing up in New Jersey. Sweet tea is much more than that. Sweet tea is a heavenly drink that will rival the nectar from the most generous of flowers.

 But before I tell you about sweet tea, let's talk about tea itself for a moment. Although initially served hot, 85 percent of all tea consumed in the United States today is enjoyed cold. Whether you like your drink with a splash of liquor, poured into punches, or served simply on the rocks, you're taking part in a 200-year-old tradition. Hot tea has been served in America since Colonial times. But our tea-drinking habits really started to shift around the turn of the 20th century. At the 1904 World's Fair in St. Louis, the hot summer weather caused fairgoers to skip hot beverages in favor of cold ones — including iced tea. The fair's 20 million visitors cooled themselves with iced tea and brought the new style of tea back to their homes throughout the United States and the world. 

 Later, when home refrigerators with freezers started to appear in homes during the 1920s and '30s, people didn't even have to leave the house to grab a couple of ice cubes year-round. This development made iced tea convenient, and drinking iced tea was less expensive than other options that were available at the time. (adapted from Taken from "The History of iced tea April 30,2018")

North Carolina, sweet tea is made by adding a five-pound bag of sugar to one cup of boiling water. This mixture is then added to a pitcher of freshly brewed tea. You finish it off by throwing in a ten-pound bag of ice, Do this, and you have an ice-cold sweet drink that is a refreshing treat on a blazing hot Carolina summer day. Add to your enjoyment and pull a chair or a rocker under a shady oak tree. Grab a good book and a really big glass of that sweet tea. Relax and forget your troubles for a time. 

One warning l feel I should add.  If you are planning to wear a bikini, tankini, one-piece, or two-piece bathing suit to the beach, although tempting in the summer heat, don't be a hummingbird and drink one half your body weight in sweet tea and do not eat every ten minutes. True story. This is the sweet secret of sweet tea in North Carolina and perhaps beyond. 

During this season of COVID 19, election politics and shutdowns, Summer sun, hummingbirds, and sweet tea reminds me of this one thing. 

I know that God is in control and God has got us! So sit back and relax.

Matthew 6:27 Can anyone of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

About Coleslaw.

When I moved to North Carolina in 1989, I quickly discovered that I had a lot to learn about living in the south. Take coleslaw, for example. Originally created by the dutch. The term "coleslaw" arose in the 18th century as an anglicization of the Dutch name "koolsla" ("kool" in Dutch sounds like "cole"), meaning "cabbage salad." The "cole" part of the word comes from the Latin colis, meaning "cabbage."

In the article, "The Origins of Coleslaw: Going Dutch"

Deb Perelman writes

"The Dutch, who founded the state of New York, grew cabbage around the Hudson River. Although the combination of shredded cabbage and other common coleslaw ingredients can be traced back to Roman times, it wasn't until the mid 18th century that mayonnaise was invented, so coleslaw as we know it is about 250 years old." Kitchen Window (2007 NPR)

New Jersey, where I was raised, has two kinds of coleslaw. Chopped or shredded.  When I moved to North Carolina, my knowledge of this savory dish was significantly expanded.

 In the south," Slaaaw is all you need to say. Coleslaw is so prevalent in North Carolina, the cole part is not required. When you ask for slaaaw, everyone will immediately know you are asking for this delightful southern staple. Slaw in the south is as essential as sweet in your tea. I will say more about that in another post. 

The south has 6,500 variations of slaw. The southern slaw can be red slaw, white slaw, chopped, shredded, and vinegar slaw. It would not surprise me to discover that the south has even created a red, white, and blue slaw. 

King of slaw in North Carolina is the always popular slaw that is made to be placed on the top of a barbecue sandwich.  Barbecue slaw is made from someone's granny's special recipe with secret ingredients. This recipe can only be shared with New Jersey natives if they are willing to take a blood oath. The oath must be taken while Pinky swearing and turning to the right three times on one foot. 

  New Jersey cooks make one slaw. The simple Jersey recipe includes cabbage, carrots, a small amount of onion, mayo, and celery seed.  

My first introduction to slaw in North Carolina occurred when I was invited to eat lunch with Dr. Artley from Elon University at Kimber's restaurant in Gibsonville. Kimbers was Dr. Artley's favorite restaurant. I know this because he ate lunch there every day for many years. 

That fateful day in Kimber's restaurant I ordered a sandwich. To my surprise, the waitress asked me, "do you want slaw on it?" Wait, what! In New Jersey, coleslaw is put in a small souffle cup next to your sandwich along with a pickle to keep it company. I had never thought of putting slaw on a sandwich. I replied, a very tentative, yes to the waitress. Minutes later, my lunch arrived in its slaw topped glory. After that first bite, I thought, "The next time, I will go all out and try slaw on my burger. I would like a dill pickle, please.

Face masks and angels

I was at the podiatrist's office, and like everyone else, I was wearing a facemask. Nothing felt normal. It was depressing to see so many people in masks today.   The ride to the doctor's office seemed unreal. Yes, there were cars on the road, but parking lots that should have been full of vehicles were empty. I was struggling to understand the reality of the world today. Nothing seemed right.

Monday will be my sixty-seventh birthday. It was on my birthday seventeen years ago that I received a phone call from my brother who told me my mother was on a ventilator.  Since then, I always struggle with feelings of sadness on my birthday. I guess that is because my birthday is a yearly reminder of my mother's death. Unfortunately, she had chosen me to be her child that could say for her, "turn off the machines."

As I said, turn them off, that the room filled with stillness. With those words, I had fulfilled the promise made to my mother. 

Now seventeen years later, I still vividly remember that morning in the hospital room filled with machines that should not have been there.

I try to think about my fifth birthday when my mother hired a man with a pure white pony to give my friends and I pony rides on a sweltering summer day in August. I try to remember the other children and their mothers at my party. I wish I could remember the sound of the laughter or the taste of the sweet birthday cake.  Instead, on my birthday, I remember my voice as I told the doctors to turn off the machines that had to breathe for my mother.

I am sad today because people are wearing face masks to visit the foot doctor. There has been looting and rioting in the streets of Chicago, a city that I visited several times years ago on church trips.  Those trips to Chicago were filled with good friends and happy times. Now those memories are soiled by the current destruction in that city. Black lives matter, Your life matters, my mother's life mattered all lives matter.  There is no longer Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male and female. For you are all one in Christ Jesus. (Galatians 3:28) 

The world feels out of order and it feels like it is spinning so rapidly that I can't hold on tight enough. I feel like I am losing my place in this world. 

As I am writing this, I look out my window into the darkness, and I see my angel that glows in the dark.  My husband has placed it on the deck railing where it can be seen because he knows that on a night like tonight, I need to be reminded that there is something good in the world. Just as the angels came to tell the shepherds that Jesus was born. My little glow in the dark rechargeable sun charged angel reminds me that I have a savior who knows me and  He will heal my broken heart.